BCF.

November 2011.

I could never have imagined the way that Novemeber 2011 would ever change my life. I think the main reason that I have been putting off posting in my blog was because I knew this would be one of the hardest post I would ever have to write. I am not sure how it is going to go or if it is going to make sense, but I will do my best to do justice to my beloved extended family.

For November, there is no list of extra things I was grateful for, because the only thing that comes to mind are my cousins.

For as long as I can remember, my cousins have been my best friends. They hold that awkward place between siblings and friends, where you guys can fight and your parents can discipline them, but you still kind of HAVE to love them, you know? I have so many good memories of my cousins, especially those that are my age. There are about a million of us and most of this will probably apply to the grandkids in my age range, not because I love them more, but because I know them better.

Memories I will always hold dear to my heart:

-cousin's nights

-cousin's cabin

-water balloon tosses

-guessing the candy in the jar

-family birthday parties (and birthday bags)

-that calendar that had MOSTLY all the right information about the family's birthdays/anniversaries

-that back room at the Houston house that now holds canned food

-the clubhouse.

-when the John Webster's would come visit from Mexico

-Bree slumber parties

-the first family reunion up at that cabin (when I first met the Mark Webster family)

-the Grandma Webster prayer

-that whole week at the hospital

-Grandma and Spencer's funerals

...and so much more.

Mostly, I want to end this post with a small tribute to Spencer Ryan.

I'm not sure that many people knew or understood the kind of relationship Spencer and I had. I turned to him for more than I ever really thought I did. He helped me so much in my life and I could not be more grateful to him for that. I could never put into words how I felt after I received the news. It's one of those moments where you know your life will never ever be what it was before. I love all my cousins very much but Spencer and I had the longest "Best Cousins" run of any of the others. Every card I received from him for as long as we were buying each other cards had "love your favorite cousin Spencer" on it.

We had an understanding of the Webster family that...is not easily explained. If I was ever going to attend a family function, I would first text Bree to see if she was going to be there and then I would text Spence. They were my lifelines. I never thanked him for what he has done for me. His kind words and huge hugs are sorely missed, everyday. I know somewhere up there he is hanging out with the coolest people, doing the coolest things. To know Spencer was to love him and envy the zeal he had for life. If I could be half the human being he was, I would consider my life a success.

I thought that maybe my words could do him justice, but I am not sure that I did. I don't have the words for how it felt, feels, and will feel for the rest of my days until we meet again. I know that he would have been proud if I had written even one line, so I will close by saying that I was so blessed to know you Spencer Webster. Not to just know you, but to love you and be loved by you. I like to think that before we came to earth, we were all hanging out up there. We loved each other, but not enough to live in the same home together, so we chose to be cousins. I like to think that maybe I was this lucky on purpose. You were such a gift to my life and I must have done something right to have you in it. I will miss you forever and love you for longer.

BestCousinsForever.